omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
