You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think i have two assholes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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