hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
