I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
