I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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