walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize