I need help removing her.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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