about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
