i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
