Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to have your abortion
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
