I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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