You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
