next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
