just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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