I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
