Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
