ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
