Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
