He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize