Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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