this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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