Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
