just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
