when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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