You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
