I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
