i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
