So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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