Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize