Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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