You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
