But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I met the friendliest cop last night
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
