hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
