i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
