we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
