Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You smell like stripper and shame
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
