Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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