if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
