Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
