My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
