I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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