this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
