I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
