Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
