Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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