I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
