Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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