My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
