Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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