so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i came on her dog
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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