My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
