If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize