What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
