remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
