Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
