It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the condom got lost in my hair
where does the pee come out of this thing
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
