i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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