my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
