Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
