It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
