Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
