I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
