At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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