I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
