i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need a beard to bite.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
