probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
