She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wish there were birth control emojis
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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